Good Guy, Fluffy

Before I move on to Fluffy and his Fluffy-greatness, I must link to this article, entitled, McCain Volunteers Taught to Accuse Obama of Terrorism. 

This is what I'm saying. 

I've heard lots of people say, That McCain--he's basically a good guy. And you know what? No. He's not. He's not basically a good guy. If we were basically a good guy, he would not resort to lies and distortion, fear-mongering and slander in order to scramble to the top job in the nation. But hey, my friends, this is his last shot and he knows it. So anything goes. 

He may once have been a good guy, a long long time ago when he dressed up as a giant peanut or panda bear or something dear and sweet and innocent for Halloween to trick-or-treat in his elite Washington-area neighborhood growing up. But not now.

But Fluffy! Now, THERE'S a good guy. Unmistakably. Unequivocally. Irrefutably. Behold:

Fluffy at the fair; October, 2008.

I'm running out the door with him any minute, off to Rhode Island for the day to have a belated birthday celebration for me and a playdate with Fluffy's friend A.

Here's my wisdom for the day: Trust. That's it, simply Trust. 

What happens to me is that I go through the big upheavals, riding them up and down like a rickety ship in the dark stormy seas, railing at the heavens, laughing combatively, gripping the tiller with fierce determination and fear and then suddenly I'm in the blue-green tropical waters of trust, clear and still. Ahhhhh, yes! I say, I remember! Trust! It's the only thing that matters! 

Things don't need to go according to my plan for me to be and feel safe. I can trust in the universe, in the power and wisdom of the natural flow in my life, call it God or spirit or the law of attraction or a bra that really fits and a pair of shoes that make your legs look awesome, call it the face of child you cherish or the grunty sounds of love and support from someone who absolutely GETS YOU at your core. Call it whatever you want. It's that feeling that tells you all is well and always has been and will be. 

So, that class was the wrong class. Fluffy knew. He knew before I knew. The night we came home from that disastrous meeting, the night my husband and I were lighting each others' hair on fire with our words, the night I turned forty-nine, I drove into town to buy myself some kick-ass indian food. While it was cooking I went next door to buy myself a kick-ass bottle of wine and I saw a flyer for a new social skills group led by two woman, one an OT and one a woman who wrote a book called, The Highly Sensitive Kids Guide.

Bingo.

I called her up. We went to see her.

Now, a few years ago I would have scoffed at the notion of seeing someone who claims to work with the 'new children', the 'indigos' who have come here to 'teach us'. I would have huffed and snickered under my breath, jesus, give me a friggin' break. But now?

I'm open. I'm open to whatever is going on for Fluffy and whatever I can do to support him. 

What do I know?

Do I think Fluffy is an Indigo? Well, I know he loves blue and he's certainly wise beyond his years and he seems in possession of a highly tuned in and frequently unprotected nervous system and always has harking back to his colic and his night terrors and the startle reflex that I am now convinced was actually seizure activity. 

But Indigo? 

Pfaw. What does it matter. What matters to me is finding people who are working from their heart. From love. From where one is able to see and hear most clearly. Where one trusts in what will be revealed rather than one knows what will be revealed. 

There's a little 7 year old girl who lives across the street. I'll call her Missy. Missy and her younger brother--I'll call him Max, have been dying to be friends with Fluffy since our truck pulled up over a month ago. 

Missy is exceptional: bright, funny, friendly, and super-duper duper regulated. 

The mother and I have talked. She knows our challenges. She may have said something to Missy. I don't know. 

But I do know that Missy kept saying hi, kept circling our driveway in her little silver scooter, kept coming over with bouquets made of colorful beeswax and bunches of freshly picked flowers even as Fluffy looked beyond her or didn't answer or said go away.

The day after my birthday, Fluffy and Missy and Max played for over an hour outside. Together. Unsupervised. (Well, okay, both Dave and I kept peering out the door and windows and finding reasons to rummage through things in the garage.) They've played several times since. All three of them, on their scooters, making up a game, agreeing to all the rules, allowing Missy to be the leader, dashing in and out of the house retrieving various tools and toys, communicating via walky-talkies. 

When Fluffy came in from playing last night he allowed that maybe one day, he would marry Missy. 

What happens to me is that somewhere along the way, in my trusting and believing in Fluffy and his future, I take back the reigns and decide how the next steps ought to go, how it ought to look. And when it doesn't go that way, I forget. And I'm back on those swelling seas.

Today, I remember. 

Fluffy is developing beautifully. According to his own time table.

Comments

[sugary]

I do hope he marries Missy one day. He deserves the best! I have just found your site, and it gives me hope. My son is on the spectrum and it is all new to us and we are trying to figure out our way and his way through all of this. Peace.

[Michelle O'Neil]

So beautiful.

[camerashymomma]

trust. yes indeed. why is it so easy to forget?!

and that photo? i see you there in him. i saw that photo and immediately smiled!

[Melinda]

Fluffy and Noah have a lot in common...and yes Noah also develops on his own time and schedule....but he always eventually gets there!

Noah misses his neighbor girls he used to play with as they moved away. He was so sad about that.

[kyra]

yes, exactly, M. thank you.

i might add a question: were the obama supporters calling for mccain's HEAD? for his DEATH?

just saying.

[M]

Notice the difference, Teresa: you're saying that some Obama SUPPORTERS have said inflammatory things.

Supporters.

Who is saying inflammatory things on the McCain side? It's Palin herself. She's the one throwing around words like "terrorist".

It's one thing if random people at public events yell things. But when the VP candidate herself is using vile, manipulative rhetoric, it's different. It's worse. Period.

[Teresa Peterson]

Just FYI...Sarah Palin was in my state today and they had to remove some Obama supporters for being disruptive and yelling inflamatory (SP?) things. My point is, it happens on both sides.

[jennifergg]

I'm sorry I missed the birthday! I'm late late late at everything these days, but I'll say it any way..I wish you well, a wonderful, amazing 49th year, and it sounds as if you're already on your way.

I loved this post. I needed to hear all these things, and you told them to me perfectly. As always, as ususal.

Thank you so much, and Happy Birthday a bunch of days late. Which as it happens, was just the right time!

xo

[Steph]

What a wonderful picture and a beautiful post! You are a terrific writer, lady. :-)

[kyra]

what proof are you referring to? please post a link to the article or the footage.

with all due respect, teresa, obama has been running for president for almost TWO YEARS. he has been vetted and vetted and vetted again by all the biggest biggies we've got in the entire country. there is nothing to these vile accusations. nothing. mccain is behaving immorally, inciting fear, hatred and xenophobia while pretending he's not. he wants it both ways. many top republicans are dismayed by his erratic and corrosive campaign style.

[Teresa Peterson]

What a balanced article (NOT!!!)..those nasty McCain supporters trying to give people a bad impression of Obama and then there are those wonderful Obama people working diligently and morally to get their candidate elected. What is sad to me is unbalanced reporting such as this. What if there is some truth to Obama and his link with these people (more proof is uncovered daily). what then, do we continue to bash McCain or do we take a really hard look at Obama? Who is really being slandered here?

[Barbara]

Fluffy is beautiful. He is so fortunate to have such an insightful Mom who knows what he needs.

And as for McCain...you are right on!

Peace!

[M]

It's amazing to read his range of reactions to people. It's extremely hopeful, says so much about him. He can go from "Go away"...to "I might marry her". For some people change is so difficult...yet he has a huge heart, one that can contain all of those possibilities. He is definitely "developing beautifully".

[elizabeth]

This is such an inspirational post, especially your words about trust. Even after almost 14 years of raising a child with special needs, I was sorely in need of your wise words to remind me. Thank you so very, very much.

[Adi]

I just get all teary happy sad reading this stuff... sorry, probably stuff that is just too close to my cares and emotions! I'm so glad for the things that are going well, and I'm so sorry for those that are not. Your life stories at this point sounds like that Indian meal you got: infinitely complex flavours and delicious yet burning and massively rich with all kinds of consequences the next day, but who the hell cares. It is what you are having, right now. With wine. Perhaps the good bits about Fluffy is that bit of cool that is getting you through it all, who knows. The indigo stuff is a bit, yeah, weird, but that aspies are highly sensitive is true and whoever cares and caters for that is a hero. All the best. And you look fantastic for half a century, b.t.w.

[drama mama]

It's such a rollercoaster, isn't it?

Just when you're about to throw in the towel, there's Fluffy, rocking out with the neighbors.

Miss M is having a playdate as I'm writing this, and she can either fully engage or totally ignore her friend. She's engaged/engaging 85 percent of the time. I've stopped analyzing the other 15 percent, and let that be a grey matter that will work itself out, or won't. We've got what we've got. And it's pretty good.

And you. Look at that punim. LOOK at him.

Good guy. Good, good guy.

As for the other? That candidate? (spit, spit) Not a good guy. He makes me husband have nightmares - stirring up racism and fear and hatred in this country. He made a grown 40 year old man CRY, for God's sake.
Karma. That's all I'm sayin'.

[drama mama]

It's such a rollercoaster, isn't it?

Just when you're about to throw in the towel, there's Fluffy, rocking out with the neighbors.

Miss M is having a playdate as I'm writing this, and she can either fully engage or totally ignore her friend. She's engaged/engaging 85 percent of the time. I've stopped analyzing the other 15 percent, and let that be a grey matter that will work itself out, or won't. We've got what we've got. And it's pretty good.

And you. Look at that punim. LOOK at him.

Good guy. Good, good guy.

As for the other? That candidate? (spit, spit) Not a good guy. He makes me husband have nightmares - stirring up racism and fear and hatred in this country. He made a grown 40 year old man CRY, for God's sake.
Karma. That's all I'm sayin'.

[Naomi]

You love your son so well.

[Special Needs Mama]

Love the photo. Have a great trip.

[Marla]

According to his own time table...exactly. That is the best way for any of us.

Marriage! How sweet is that!

Joe's mom was convinced M was an indigo child from the day we brought her home. I never got too into that. But, I can see what you are saying about people coming from a place of love. Yes, that is very cool.

The picture of Fluffy is wonderful. What a cutie.

[Jenn]

Ah, developing beautifully indeed -- look at that smile!

Excellent point about taking back the reigns...yes, that's usually where I screw up. Trust...and let go. Great post.

[kristina]

" According to his own time table."

beautiful, true words and words of just the rightest hue.

[Christine]

You know? I always love it when you write about fluffy. about parenting fluffy. Because it is always exactly what I need to hear. I know you've been busy but thank you, thank you for sharing your good guy with us. It made my day. I just hope that Missy is good enough for our fluffy :-)