Sleep Solutions: MotherTalk Blog Book Tour

I wish Ann Douglas had written Sleep Solutions for Your Baby, Toddler, and Preschooler; The Ultimate No-Worry Approach for Each Age and Stage six years ago when I was teetering around in my third trimester looking suspiciously like a tic. Or even five years ago when I was a new mom, tripping over my pendulous breasts, trying in vain to log more than 30 consecutive minutes of shut eye.

To say Fluffy wasn’t much of a sleeper would be a little like saying the equator isn’t much of a down hill ski resort. We careened through colic, night terrors, and years of night wakings so numerous you wouldn’t believe the numbers, but I have them, written down, in a stack of coffee-stained journals and sleep logs that are thankfully now, blowing around in the attic, far far away.

I’ve only recently staggered off my sleep deprivation battle field. I have truckloads of sympathy and compassion for anyone still slogging through their own sleep issues but beyond a gnarly, Whoa, duuuuude. Bummer about the sleep thing! and a gazillion stories from my own wakeful wreckage, I’m no help to you.

Enter Ann Douglas with the Mother Of All Gifts, her unparalleled ability to gather, organize, and present volumes of research and anecdotal information in a fun, easy to read, fantastically helpful, and might I say, comprehensive book on sleep. The only teeny tiny suggestion I might make is that her book ought to be called, Sleep Solutions For Your Baby, Toddler, Preschooler And YOU because discussions of you, the mother, your sleep realities, needs, and strategies for approaching satisfaction, are finally part of the whole picture.

Let me say right here: I love Ann. Unabashedly. She writes clearly, intelligently, generously, and with a stunning bedside manner about all things motherhood. She is funny, smart, informed, and passionate about community. What do I mean by that? I mean, she is all about parents helping other parents. This mother of four is a one woman dynamo, a public speaker, teacher, author of books conception, pregnancy, choosing childcare, parenting, writer of articles, columns, weblogs, as well as wildly successful The Mother Of All Books series and this book, the first in The Mother of All Solutions series.   

Sleep Solutions begins with an overview of what is covered in each chapter. It is wonderfully easy to navigate, something I would have required had I picked this up during the months of my bone-crushing fatigue when my powers to problem solve and think creatively were miles away, a tiny dot in the sky like a balloon yanked into a strong wind. Poof.

This concise and handy chart enables you to zero in where you most need help. Do you need a primer on the ‘physical, emotional, and relationship fallout of sleep deprivation’? Tips for maximizing your chances for getting much needed rest and support? A list of on-line resources and further research in the field of infant sleep? Or do you need to dive right in to one of the ‘Real-World Guides’ and start solving your child’s sleep problems straight away?

During the years of our sleep issues, I read every sleep book I could find. How is this one different?  In three important ways:

(1) Ann focuses on the mom and her need for sleep, what happens when she doesn’t get it, and how she can maximize her own rest and minimize her stress. HUGE.

(2) Ann dispels the one size fits all solution to sleep issues. She stresses there is no ONE way to get the baby to sleep. A surprisingly revolutionary concept.

(3) Ann promises no guilt and she delivers. This book provides information on sleep science, sleep strategies, sleep research, sleep resources, tools, charts, sleep logs and most of all, quotes from other real life moms out in the ‘sleep-deprivation trenches’.  You pick what is the best strategy given your child, your temperament, your family, and your parenting style.

Ann interviewed over 200 families while writing the book and many of the mother’s voices are sprinkled throughout the book on everything from the resentment toward the peacefully sleeping spouse one mom admitted, caused her to bounce on the bed like a trampoline when she returned from tending to the wakeful baby in the night to frank discussions on the hot topic of sleep training and everything in between.

I love that. Hearing from the other moms is so important. It breaks the isolation, provides perspective and spreads the wisdom. Like this tidbit from Marie who says, “high needs babies are high needs 24 hours a day.” Yes! Thank you, Maria.

And from Sarah who says, “Sleep is for the baby parent set what little league scores are for the school-age parent set and what college admissions are for the teenage parent set and I think it is unfair for the kids and the parents.”  Amen.

In the section called Strangers in the Night, Ann talks of how hard it is for parents to find time to connect, “particularly if your baby is still quite young or the child’s sleep problems are either extreme or long-standing.” Bingo the last two. In this same section, mom Stephanie reports that she and her husband “struggle to find some quiet time to talk. If we need to speak about something important, we often do it with a quick email or a phone call when one of us is out.” Yes. We are still doing that over five years into this!

Aside from discussions with my sister-in-law who shared my parenting style and the experience of mothering a child that did not release the nipple, roll over and fall into a deep sleep in the family bed as Dr. Sears promised would happen as we were humming Kumbaya, I felt utterly alone and baffled by the sleep issue. I was beaten down. I felt like a failure. As Ann mentions, there is nothing more controversial than this issue of how do you deal with the sleep, no other topic that draws more conflicting and unsolicited advice, warnings, and judgments from everything you read, everyone you know and everyone you pass in the street.

But Ann doesn’t judge! She’s here to help, ladies and gentleman. And help she does. Page after page. She provides information, information, information so that parents can make their own choices. There is no one way set in stone; there is only your way which may change as your baby changes. She writes, “your thoughts and idea about sleep may change once you’re dealing with the reality of nighttime parenting as opposed to just the theory” and, “Experiment with a variety of different sleeping arrangements until you find the one that results in maximum sleep for everyone.” Isn’t that brilliant? In retrospect, it seems obvious. But I’ll wager a bet no sleep expert has ever before said such a beautiful, inspired and helpful thing.

“Remain as calm and relaxed as possible about the sleep issue” writes Ann in more than one place. I wish I could turn the clock back for that one. I know my stress was felt by my son. We were a sleep panic circle. I'm convinced I would have been spared a lot of that if I had Ann’s book back then. No other book gave me the place to find that calm. They all played into the high stakes intensity of that time. You MUST DO IT THIS WAY OR ELSE. Or else what? Your child will be perched on the bell tower, picking off the neighborhood one body at at time? Your child will be institutionalized from lack of adequate REM?

We were a mess over sleep issues in our house. We had colic and high needs and six months of thrice weekly night terrors before Fluffy was even a year old. The exhaustion was profound, even comical. I never knew one could be so bone crushingly tired and not be dead. It was mind boggling and for a long while, there was simply no end in sight. The situation now is much improved, unrecognizable given where we came from. I only wake up once a night to help Fluffy get to the bathroom. but I can quickly return to that time. (Shudder.) How I wish I had this book then, a one-stop resource that lays out the goods and treats you like the unique, intuitive, and trustworthy mother that you are.

If you are having sleep concerns or know of anyone about to bring a new baby home, stop by with a sesame chicken and this book.

There are many, many links I could provide to learn more about Ann. For starters, go here, here, and here.

Normally, I raffle off my copy of the books I review, but I'm keeping this one. There are a few strategies in the preschooler category that hold real promise for our household. I'll keep you posted.

In the meantime, happy reading and sweet dreams.

Comments

[squid]

We are dying from sleep deprivation over here, and it's mostly our own fault.

So, thank you for the detailed review. Will get said book, and if all else fails I can always hit myself over the head with it.

[kim]

OMG, I'm going to get this book right away. Instead of calling you every night crying.

[Vicki Forman]

You wench, keeping the book! But all hail Ann, because the idea of writing a HELPFUL book on sleep is a miracle. We were not the baby whisperer types in my family. To this day, my nine year old still crawls into my bed. But if that means we all sleep, so be it. Thanks for the review.

[christine]

Hey, I remember sleep. I used to think I "needed" 8 hours. Now I make do with 8 cups of coffee.

[amy]

Yep, those high-need babies are high-need all day, and the day seems MUCH longer than 24 hours. My toddler is still trying to nurse at night. I still remember my MIL's shocked face when she asked if baby #2 was sleeping through the night and I laughed and said baby #1 wasn't even night weaned until I got pregnant again & forced the issue. I will keep this book in mind for new parents.