Not yet unpacked, but ready

We rented this house in Northampton in the spring. It’s a small house by the fairgrounds. You can walk to town on asphalt or through open fields on dirt roads to the Connecticut river. Okay, it’d be a long walk to the river, but you could do it.

We started coming up on occasional weekends. We packed a box of kitchen stuff, some toys, and tossed mattresses on the floor and called it ‘house camping at the weekend house’. We were sure to call it the ‘weekend house’ to distinguish it from our full time house back, our home, in Rhode Island. We planned to move full-time by the fall and wanted to be careful how we framed this transition for Fluffy.

But it wasn’t only for him. As much as I knew southern Rhode Island wasn’t giving me what I needed, I loved being near the beaches and my family. I grew up in Rhode Island, in Providence, about 40 minutes from where Dave and I bought our house. Much of my family is still there, though only my mom lives close enough to see regularly when she’s in her east coast home and not throwing free-form pots out of Arizona clay in Tucson.

I’ve moved a lot over the last, oh, forty some-odd years--not great distances but enough times to crave feeling settled, feeling home. Fluffy felt at home in Rhode Island. I’m not sure I ever did but my time there was significant; the idea of leaving was a complicated swirl of feelings. After all, over the last seven years: I bought my first home, I became a mom, I fell into the warm abyss of adoration and joy, I discovered my son’s autism, I felt more love than I ever imagined, I lost friends, I felt desolate and scared, I endured more sleeplessness than I thought humanly possible, I deepened my relationship to all my family members, I starting writing regularly, I discovered community in the blogosphere of all places, I connected more deeply to my instinctual self, I changed in a profound way from all my son has taught me, and, in a way that feels like the closing of a circle, I reconnected to two dear, lost friendships over the last few weeks.

Fluffy was remarkably buoyant about moving to Northampton to “try out living in the weekend house”. He seemed steady as they go as Dave and I piled boxes all around him and (after much negotiating) taped notes to furniture indicating what would stay and what would go. I was insistent that both houses have enough in them to be workable, to feel comfortable, familiar.

Two nights before the truck came, Fluffy crumbled at bedtime. He was sad. He said he didn’t want to go. He talked about how much he loved his home, how he was used to it, he knew where everything was. It all felt so neurotypical, his sadness. He expressed it in real language, honest and simple. There was no acting out, just this talking about his sadness as he cried. He said, “Mom, the weekend house is different than this house. It feels different there. Will I have to be different, too?”

An understandable concern.

We went over the fact that we were trying out the new weekend house. That we were keeping the Rhode Island home and would come back during the upcoming year and for the whole of next summer. I reassured him that he wouldn't have to be any different at the weekend house.

The morning of the move, he woke up and sighed. Ahhh. Well, today’s the day. How do you feel? I asked. A little wibbly wobbly. A little bit good and a little bit bad. I partly like that we’re going and I partly don’t.

Once the truck arrived and he had a chance to see the movers hook up their ramp and load a few items, we left Dave behind with his clip board and color-coded lists and spent the day playing. We stayed overnight at my mom’s and drove up the next day.

The house was transformed. Boxes were stacked in corners but our own things were set up in every room and Fluffy’s precious cubby was stocked with all the items no one can touch without his permission.

Fluffy ran from room to room. Oh! It looks different! I like it. Can we live here? Mom! I didn’t want to live in a weekend house. I wanted to live in a home.

All this stressing of the weekend house. I thought we were helping. It turns out, he’s no different than me. He needs his house to be a home.

So, we’re all in this new home. Our old home awaits our visits. Our home schooling year begins tomorrow. I have more unpacking and much preparation to do and I'm sure there will be more adjusting for all of us but I feel ready for whatever’s next.

Comments

[Casdok]

Glad it all went well!
Im never going to move again!

[John]

I found an 'Autism guide' for parents and teachers on the website of the National Education Association (NEA). It has a LOT of good info that parents should make sure their school district and teachers of your children have AND use. I thought you and or your readers would find it useful.

I have more details and the link on our blog.

http://autismbitestheblog.blogspot.com/2007/09/autism-guide-for-educatorsteachersparen.html

Good luck!

[mcewen]

So basically they're not exaggerating - moving house is one of the three most stressful things you can experience.
Best wishes

[Michelle O'Neil]

Oh...what a sweet boy! I am stealing wibbly wobbly. Totally.

[Ian Parker]

Despite being a pain to actually do, moving can be such a great fresh start and new beginning.

("So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverley" - sorry, couldn't resist...)

Congratulations on a successful move, and congratulations to Fluffy for handling it so well.

[Eileen (Mamaroo)]

So exciting! Hope you are all getting settled into the weekend house turned new home. Looking forward to reading about the new adventures that await you all with this new beginning.

[karen in ca]

Oh what a wonderful post! I'm so excited for you.

We moved in the summer of 2006, under much different circumstances (we had to leave my abusive husband...) and I am lucky enough to have rather large group of friends who moved all our stuff for us. When we got to our new apartment, it looked like "home" and this made a HUGE difference to both of my sons. And to me too!

Best wishes with homeschooling. I hope you'll let us know how it's going soon. I'm sure we could all learn from your experiences in that realm, whether we homeschool or not.

xoxo karen
P.S. I am loving that book you sent me! Thanks again. :-)

[Melinda]

Wishing you all the best!

[gretchen]

Carry on Fluffy! Onward and upward to your beautiful family!

[susan e]

Wow-way to go Fluffy! He's such a thoughtful little guy. This sounds like a marvelous new beginning for you all.

[camerashymomma]

i love your words about the complete circle of the past seven years. all the growth you never could conceive and then you simply become. it's amazing. i also have moved alot in my life and i often feel that tugging at me to pick up again, and then that constant craving for the need of 'home'.

i'm so glad that you found a place, and that it was different and that was an exciting and positive thing in the end.

so, congratulations and happy moving! i can't wait to hear more about homeschooling.

[kate]

I love when they surprise us (and when we realize they are so much like us). I'm so happy for you all and I can't wait for more posts from the no-longer-weekend home.

[kristina]

And we just moved too----not into a "weekend home" (though we hope ever for a beach house, someday!). It was when we got Charlie's bed set up and the sheets in place and the binder for his home tutoring out and his clothes on the shelves that he smiled and jumped on the bed, and burrowed his face in fleece.

While bringing in the boxes is a bother (and I pulled a muscle and am still feeling the twinge!), I like the thought of a new beginning. New hopes, new home adventures!

Warm regards!

[~ danielle]

I'm so glad the transition went (relatively) smoothly! I love surprises like that. Thanks again for the book... I'm enjoying it (just started it yesterday, it's addicting in that soap opera kind of way, though much better of course).

Hope your unpacking goes more smoothly than mine has! xo smooches ox

[mom-nos]

Happy new home!

[kristen]

I can't even imagine what's involved in keeping two houses up and running (I struggle with one) but I give you all tremendous credit for taking such a brave step and making the change your family needed.

And as for Fluffy? Sounds like he's growing up to be a wise little man. All the best, Kyra, to you and to yours!!

[kim]

So happy for you and what's in store over there!!! Congratulations on the ease of it all. Good luck on your first day of school!

[Aliki]

I'm so glad it went well! And a little bit envious that you get to live in a weekend house all year long...I wish you all the best--sounds like a remarkable transition!

[Niksmom]

Whew! I've been thinking about you guys all week. So glad the move went well and that Fluffy seems to have made a fairly smooth transition. Wow, I love how articulate he was in expressing his feelings. And the concept of being different in a different place...pretty deep thinking for a little guy.

Wishing you all peaceful transitions and smooth sailing!

[Anamaria]

I'm so happy to hear that you are safely ensconced in your newest home. And I love Fluffy's question about whether you have to be different when you're in a different place. Of course you don't! you are always you. But it's nice to imagine how some things could be different, if you wanted them to be. Mazel tov!

[drama mama]

As someone who has had to move twice in the last year due to renovations, I stand and applaud my favorite family for a pretty smooth transition. Fluffy is a star, a STAR, I tell you. My God. Imagine what COULD have happened. This is heady stuff for anyone to process. Look at him. Look at the cubby shift! The embracing of the new/old place!

One thought keeps emerging as I think of your move. In Spanish, to give birth is referred to as "Dar la luz," which literally means "Give the light."
I think that this is a birth, a shedding, a walk into a light that will cement and ground and embrace your family with loving arms.
Mazel Tov, my Darlings.

[amy]

I always feel all wibbly wobbly about moving, too. I wish you all the best out there in Northampton. I'm sorry we never got to meet in person but am still hopeful that we may someday. (You live near the HUGEST yarn store, one I also hope to meet in person one day.)

xo